Are you ready for this? Make sure you are before you start reading. Take a deep breath and get ready to hear it. I'm relentless this morning, but I'll try to be nice about.
Have you heard the stereotypical two-sided view to women who have been raped? Well if you haven't, it's sort of like one side blaming women for being raped, and the other side supporting women in being confident or supporting them in their fight against rapists.
Guess which side I'm on? Of course, the latter. It should never be a victim's fault for being attacked in any way! We live in a new millennium, a new century, a new decade, a new age, and yet women everywhere have to deal with the oppression and other negative consequences for, according to society, "getting themselves raped". WHAT???
For those of you that go out there putting down women, ripping apart their self-esteem, and teaching them how to be self-loathing victims, how many times have you sat down to hear the story of a woman who was raped or abused? I HAVE. I have heard it too many times, and the stories I hear are not anywhere close to the stories that are COMMONLY hidden away in shame. I have heard these stories, and though it seems like too many innocent women are being affected, I've probably heard less than 1% of these stories! Rapists and abusers don't care if you're 12, 25, or 58! They don't care if you're in a short skirt, jeans, or an old lady dress!
Rape is not primarily a sexual act. Why would people be going crazy about sex if it was meant to be violent, humiliating, life-scarring, and painful? Nobody would care about the Kama-sutra, girly magazines would face difficulties selling their products, and lingerie and adult stores would probably have to be shut down. Sex and rape are two completely different things. When someone describes a song as "sexy" do they mean the song makes them feel the way they would if they were raped? NO!
Rape is primarily about control. As A. Nicholas Groth, PH.D. and H. Jean Birnbaum, B.A. put it, rape "is the sexual expression of power and anger". They go as far as to state that the idea of rape resulting from provocative sexual arousal is an "erroneous but popular belief" which leads to the "misconceptions" of the way victims, rapists, and the act of rape is unjustly viewed.
If women are the ones that are responsible for being sexually abused, then you explain that to a certain 60+ year old woman I spoke to years ago. Look at the tears in her eyes, the gut-wrenching pain in her voice, the dresses she wore in one style: from collarbone to midway on her shin, the epitome of a simple elderly family woman, her hands gnarled from a lifetime of hard work, and you tell her that it was her fault her husband had extra-marital affairs and prevented her from leaving him by controlling her through rape and abuse.
You talk to the 12 year old girl I talked to, you wipe away the tears, pick her back up, look at the fear in her eyes, the hurt in her tears, the self-loathing in the scars on her wrists, the sleepless nights welcoming her to post traumatic nightmares, the social awkwardness and immense panic she faces every time she forces herself to remain calm around any men at all, and tell her it was her fault her step-father raped her and abused her for years.
You talk to the 45 year old woman, who breaks down to this day reliving memories of the numerous times she was raped as a young girl growing up. The first time by a stranger, the second by her closest aunt's husband, and so on. You tell her she's scarred for life, refusing to wear skirts or dresses at all, still too afraid to face, much less for actually accusing her rapists to this day, now trained to hate anything relating to sex, afraid of going to the areas where these people were located in, afraid that one day her supportive husband will do what all men have done to her, hurt her, look at the fear she still lives in, and tell her that it was her fault she was raped by some men, and abused by others.
You walk into a domestic violence shelter, hear the stories, look at the physical and emotional scars, and tell them it was their fault for being attacked. I personally know many women who have been raped or otherwise abused. None of these women would encourage anyone to physically harm them.
The only similarity between rape and sex is that both involve sexual intercourse. That's it. There is no love, no romantically profound sexual drive, no positivity, no mutual consent. Women are raped on the streets and in their homes for the same reason men are raped in prison. POWER. No man thinks, gosh she's so sexy, I love her so much, I want to rape her. If that were so, sex would never be viewed as enjoyable.
If women wear short skirts or dresses, they're looking for attention for what's underneath, if they wear fitted jeans, they're encouraging men to look at their behinds and crotch, if they wear a fitted or lowish neck blouse, they're encouraging men to look at their bust. Heard it before? I hear it nearly every single time I go out with the horn tooting, degrading name calling men in society. I grew up hearing it from every man in my family, as well as the oppressed women.
But you know what? From as young as five years old, I knew it wasn't right. I kept fighting my case and by my mid-teens I realized there were many women who thought the way I did. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Why does society teach us that it is women's fault? If a businessman is robbed and his security is shot, is it his fault he was attacked? If he follows the views society has placed on women, society should, on the basis of equality, tell him he should stop making money. According to society, if skirts attract rapist, money attracts robbers. Women must stop wearing skirts because if they wear skirts, they're "asking for it". Really? Why doesn't the businessman stop making money; since by making money, he's 'encouraging' the robbers?
Nobody does that. If you're robbed, it's "ohh poor you". Nobody tells you to give up your house and car because you were robbed. Why the hell do women everywhere have to face generations and endless cycles of oppression because some of them have been attacked? Why are women always trying to prove themselves to everyone? She's a female athlete, but he's an athlete. She's going to be a female president; he's going to be president. She's the richest woman I know; he's the richest person I know. That's great that you did that as a woman; great job, man.
Honestly? Society makes it that way. I don't see any rich people giving up their wealth, even though they're a prime target for robberies. After women are oppressed for generations and taught to feel guilty if anything happens to them, they must fight to prove themselves, only to have their cries fall on deaf ears. Why? Why does the government anywhere, just throw a rapist in a cell for a number of years (if he is caught and prosecuted), where he is protected from outside attackers, provided with food, shelter, and warmth, and then throw him back on the streets where he is free to do more damage?
Why are women who have faced abuse or rape then taught that it was their fault, and they must prevent it from happening? They prevent it as much as anyone prevents themselves from being mugged, shot, or otherwise attacked. Nobody asks to be mugged, nobody asks to be "cut", nobody asks to be beaten up, and nobody asks to be raped. Get that through your heads.
Because funnily enough, after society is done telling women they aren't good enough to wear what they want on their own bodies and feel good about themselves, and no matter what they do if any negativity comes to them it's their own fault, society then tells them it's a woman's place to raise the children, clean the house, cook the meals, please her man, and so on. Since #$%@&#$ when? Why does everything have to revolve around what men want?
A man wants to rape a woman, so he does. She's a woman, so that means she was asking for it some way or the other. Maybe she wore a skirt. Or a pair of nice jeans. Maybe she combed her hair and put on some make-up because she wanted to look nice today and get raped. So what if he gets caught? By the off chance he does, he'll get back out soon. The woman goes home to face humiliation, pain, and self-loathing. These negative feelings are then encouraged by society. She should have known better than to wear a suit to work. She should have known better than to wear a pair of heels. She should have known better than to care for her personal grooming. She should have known better than to dress down to go out with her friends. What do the men in society do to help her? "It's your fault." What happens? The woman must feel that she was responsible for being attacked, and then sit quietly by, filled with resentment and unresolved issues, raise her child/ren, take care of her husband, and run her household.
What happens to the children raised by a depressed, oppressed mother? What values are passed on to them that they display to society? You see those girls scantily clad, drinking themselves to unconsciousness? If you were sober enough to listen to them, there's a huge chance you'll hear about their mommy or daddy issues. I heard it. You see those men grabbing their crotch like it's about to fall off, limping down the streets and insulting the women in their lives? You'll hear it eventually, if you listen well enough. I heard it. I've heard it from both sides. Have you?
If you think women dress provocatively to sexually arouse men, that goes to show what kind thoughts go through your head. That means all wealthy people should dress like vagrants to avoid robbery. The next time you look at a short skirt and instinctively think of anything sexually related, try giving the porn shows a break. Try spending more time with your mother, sister, grandmother, aunt, cousin, niece, and daughter. Would you think the same thing about them? Would you appreciate it if someone else thought that way about them?
Don't just sit idly by and talk about the boys you know are out there disrespecting women. If they're your real friends, they will listen to you when you ask them to respect every woman for being someone's daughter, mother, or sister. Teach your sons how to be real men, teach your friends how to be real men, make sure you're a real man, and spread that word. Don't encourage the oppression of women. Encourage women to feel beautiful, because they are beautiful, and they should be made to feel guilty for that.
I'm not wearing shorts because I want to be raped or harassed. I want to wear shorts because it's ridiculously hot today, I do yoga and pilates to keep myself in shape, and I want to feel good about having a body I can be proud of. I don't have to feel uncomfortable in my skin, or detest myself for what I wear because my uterus makes me a sexual object. I'm blessed to have a decent enough appearance. There are girls out there that look at themselves in the mirror and never like what they see. I want to put on my shorts and thank myself for being as close to fit as I can at the moment, and feel good when I walk outside.
I should not have to wear my husband's oversized track pants and a big T-shirt so I don't "encourage" attention. Because you know what? I've done that, and the horns still beep, the names are still called, and I'm still harassed. Dressing like a schlub in the tropical heat does not make me feel better. It makes me feel overheated to the extent of severe dizziness and nausea, and it makes me dread every single time I have to walk outside the door, standing on society's pedestal for the mere fact that I have breasts and a vagina. Sadly enough, I've purposely tried to gain weight hoping to be left alone many times. It doesn't work. I have ova, so I must be harassed.
It doesn't matter if I wear make-up or not, it doesn't matter if my clothes fit me or are too big, and it doesn't matter if I'm a pencil-thin model or a big-boned chick. I'm a girl. That's all that matters to them. Society teaches that for a plethora of reasons, I am wrong. Because I have fallopian tubes, I am guilty, and I am asking for trouble no matter what I wear.
I think otherwise. I am a woman. I can bring life into the world. I can manage a career, family life, and a social life. I am multi-talented. I am unique. I can shave my legs if I feel like it. I don't need facial hair to prove myself. I have a variety of options for footwear and clothing styles. I can style my hair in as many different ways as I want. I can cry for a sad movie. I can do my nails. I can be addicted to chocolate. I can take care of my health and future responsibly. I can listen to everyone's side of the story. I should be allowed to love the skin I'm in. Most importantly, I have my own side.
I am a woman. I am an equal rights activist. I am a children's rights activist. I am an animal rights activist. I am an environmental rights activist. My main point with this post? Get ready for this one: I AM A FEMINIST! I have an opinion that matters, and I have watched too many women get screwed over by what society thinks is good for them to be silenced. I know better because I've been there, done that, and I've stood by the side of those women scorned by society and seen and felt their pain. I know what I'm talking about because I know how it feels; because I have ovaries. Grow a pair.
No comments:
Post a Comment